The Courage of Orphans

Every year we visit my Dad's family and every year I learn something new that reminds me of the strength of the human spirit. My Dad was one of five children, the youngest boy and the next to the youngest of the five. When he was 6 years old his mother died. He remembers very little of his childhood. His only memory of his mother was seeing her naked lying on a bed with people in the room taking care of her. She died three days later.

Her death set off a series of events, which have become the missing puzzle pieces in my Dad's life. What we've learned so far is the my Dad along with one of his brothers stayed with an Aunt while the funeral was held, eventually they came back home and their new life began. We learned my grandfather was an alcoholic long before his wife died, his disease grew worse after her death. He left the care of his children to his oldest son who was 13 at the time! Today's 13 year olds are busy with sports and video games. My Uncle was taking care of himself and his four younger siblings.

By everyone's accounts this was a fun time in their life. They were free to roam without adult supervision. They fished and learned how to survive on fish for food. They hopped on freight cars and road the rails into the nearby towns. On many occasions they were brought home by the police. No matter how many times they tell the stories of this period of their lives or who tells them, there father is absent from the tales. He was in a bar drinking.

The next piece of the puzzle has never been restored. What I do know is that my father, his brothers and sister were taken to an orphange. How this transpired is a mystery. My father at 6 spent one night in the orphanage with his 8 year old brother before his brother was moved to another building never to be seen again. I was scared says my Dad. I think this is an understatement.

Due to a twist of fate or destiny, a young man was shot and killed in a hunting accident. This young man happened to look exactly like my father. A minister talked to the grieving family about a boy who looked like their missing son. My father spent a summer with this family. At the end of the summer they asked him if he would like to stay; my dad at 7-8 years old wasn't sure what to do but knew he didn't want to go back to the orphanage. He stayed. A decision that haunts him in much the same way as his older brother is haunted by the fact he couldn't keep the five of them together.

After 66 years my uncle is still haunted by the fact his brothers and sister ended up in an orphange. He feels he failed. At 79 years of age, his face still shows the pain of his failure. I tell my Uncle I admire him because I do. When I think what it must have been like to lose his mother, then have to raise, feed and care for his brothers and sister; I am amazed. What I need to tell him is thank you. Thank you for giving my father the only happiness he knew in childhood.

I would like to write that once my father was adopted he got a fairy tale ending; the loving son in a loving family. He didn't. His new father was an alcoholic who used to make my dad dig ditches on a Saturday only to tell him to fill them in on Sunday. While his new mom accepted and loved him, his new father never let him forgot he wasn't his real son. My father often wonders if staying in the orphanage would have been the better choice.

My Uncle must have done something right because all five of them got and stayed married. They all raised children, two went to college, three served in the service, all worked - three with their hands and two with their heads. My Uncle became a volunteer fireman for 20 years. None were alcoholics, none abandoned their children and all of them love to garden.

And I after all these years understand what courage looks like. It looks like a 13 year old raising his siblings, it looks like an 7 year trying to decide whether to stay with strangers or go back to being a stranger in an orphanage. It is the Aunt who took their four year old baby sister in and cared for her. It is this Aunt who made sure to take the three remaining boys out of the orphanage to watch my father get confirmed. It is his adoptive Mom who never hid the fact he was adopted and let him continue to have a relationship with his brothers and sister. It is my father for overcoming the obstacle of being unloved, unwanted and scared and learning how to love and care for my mother, brother and I. Courage is my Dad and I am very proud to be the orphans daughter.